Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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