it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
