I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
