since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
