It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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