Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
