Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
