just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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