I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
