We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
