I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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