the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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