I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
