i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
