I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
