were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
