no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
