She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
