Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
