My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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