The maid of honor just puked.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
