Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
ttyl tear gas
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Shame - the story of my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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