we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
