so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
