I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
