she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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