Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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