I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
