he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
