a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
