I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
