I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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