so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
