Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
