Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
