You smell like a Billy Joel song
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
