so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
