so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
