Moan for me like Helen Keller
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
