the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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