'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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