Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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