Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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