just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
