I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
