Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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