Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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