Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
