I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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