I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
