BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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