I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
