he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
