The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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